Rissa closed her eyes in anguish. She couldn't believe it. She wouldn't believe it! How could she have murdered her own sister?
If she opened her eyes she would have to believe it. There would be no escaping the facts. Maybe, if she concentrated on what led up to this, it wouldn't seem so horrible - and real.
Rissa knew she had always had a problem with her temper. People told her it was an inevitable part of her personality; it just went so "naturally" with her golden-red hair. However, she knew that was just an excuse, a cop-out. It didn't absolve her of being responsible for her own self-control.
She and her sister, Candace, had had an up-and-down relationship all their lives. Jealousy had been a practically constant companion for Rissa ever since Candace was born. Rissa had been four years old, and very used to the attention and spoiling of her parents and grandparents. In her eyes, it seemed that Candace's arrival had changed that, so it was all her sister's fault.
She should have worked through those feelings by now, at the age of thirty-two. Surely she had! But the dregs were still there, simmering underneath the surface, ready to add to the boil. And that was just the beginning! There were layers upon layers of hurt and anger and resentment; mostly based on her own selfish feelings, but still real.
What were those other things? Piddly things mostly. But they added up! Fights over toys, over clothes, over friends, over boys. Resentment over perceived unfair treatment by their parents. Candace had always been prettier, friendlier, and more fun, and yet also more even-tempered and level-headed.
Oh, Rissa had known that Candace loved her, even looked up to her. And Rissa had loved Candace--usually--at least, basically. She just figured that Candace didn't need to know it. Everybody else loved her so much, she needed Rissa to help keep her from getting too conceited! Right?
But today, what happened today? What precipitated this horrible incident? Another fight! More resentment! More anger! Candace had tried to calm Rissa. Made a couple jokes. Offered her the proverbial olive branch. But Rissa couldn't let it go. Couldn't back down. Couldn't stop.
She couldn't blame her parents. They had taught both girls right and wrong. They had taken them to church, prayed with them, read Scripture with them, helped them through difficult problems.
She couldn't blame Candace. These were Rissa's resentments, Rissa's hurts, Rissa's insecurities. Candace wasn't blameless, but neither was she responsible.
Rissa had no one to blame but herself.
As Rissa had ranted and raved, her anger and hatred had consumed her. Had become murderous. And finally, she had seen life drain from Candace's eyes.
That sight had brought home to her just what she was doing. The damage she had done to Candace and to her own soul overwhelmed her. Despair and repentance tore at her heart. If only she had come to this point of sorrow over her sin before now!
What was she to do? She couldn't change the facts. She couldn't travel back in time, much as she might want to do so.
Audible words of contrition and penitence seemed wrung from her heart.
"Dear God, I'm so sorry! Please forgive me. Cleanse my heart and thoughts. Change me! Make me new! For Your Son's sake and in His Name."
Finally opening her eyes, and looking at her sister with remorse and renewed love, she longingly said, "Candace, how can you ever forgive me? Can you forgive my hate and betrayal? I want so much to heal our relationship."
With love, Candace replied, "Of course, Rissa. I forgive you."
Matthew 5:21-22 "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder,' and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment. But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of the judgment." (NKJV)
If she opened her eyes she would have to believe it. There would be no escaping the facts. Maybe, if she concentrated on what led up to this, it wouldn't seem so horrible - and real.
Rissa knew she had always had a problem with her temper. People told her it was an inevitable part of her personality; it just went so "naturally" with her golden-red hair. However, she knew that was just an excuse, a cop-out. It didn't absolve her of being responsible for her own self-control.
She and her sister, Candace, had had an up-and-down relationship all their lives. Jealousy had been a practically constant companion for Rissa ever since Candace was born. Rissa had been four years old, and very used to the attention and spoiling of her parents and grandparents. In her eyes, it seemed that Candace's arrival had changed that, so it was all her sister's fault.
She should have worked through those feelings by now, at the age of thirty-two. Surely she had! But the dregs were still there, simmering underneath the surface, ready to add to the boil. And that was just the beginning! There were layers upon layers of hurt and anger and resentment; mostly based on her own selfish feelings, but still real.
What were those other things? Piddly things mostly. But they added up! Fights over toys, over clothes, over friends, over boys. Resentment over perceived unfair treatment by their parents. Candace had always been prettier, friendlier, and more fun, and yet also more even-tempered and level-headed.
Oh, Rissa had known that Candace loved her, even looked up to her. And Rissa had loved Candace--usually--at least, basically. She just figured that Candace didn't need to know it. Everybody else loved her so much, she needed Rissa to help keep her from getting too conceited! Right?
But today, what happened today? What precipitated this horrible incident? Another fight! More resentment! More anger! Candace had tried to calm Rissa. Made a couple jokes. Offered her the proverbial olive branch. But Rissa couldn't let it go. Couldn't back down. Couldn't stop.
She couldn't blame her parents. They had taught both girls right and wrong. They had taken them to church, prayed with them, read Scripture with them, helped them through difficult problems.
She couldn't blame Candace. These were Rissa's resentments, Rissa's hurts, Rissa's insecurities. Candace wasn't blameless, but neither was she responsible.
Rissa had no one to blame but herself.
As Rissa had ranted and raved, her anger and hatred had consumed her. Had become murderous. And finally, she had seen life drain from Candace's eyes.
That sight had brought home to her just what she was doing. The damage she had done to Candace and to her own soul overwhelmed her. Despair and repentance tore at her heart. If only she had come to this point of sorrow over her sin before now!
What was she to do? She couldn't change the facts. She couldn't travel back in time, much as she might want to do so.
Audible words of contrition and penitence seemed wrung from her heart.
"Dear God, I'm so sorry! Please forgive me. Cleanse my heart and thoughts. Change me! Make me new! For Your Son's sake and in His Name."
Finally opening her eyes, and looking at her sister with remorse and renewed love, she longingly said, "Candace, how can you ever forgive me? Can you forgive my hate and betrayal? I want so much to heal our relationship."
With love, Candace replied, "Of course, Rissa. I forgive you."
Matthew 5:21-22 "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder,' and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment. But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of the judgment." (NKJV)
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